An end. A beginning.

End: This is going to be my last post here.

Beginning: I am marrying the most wonderful man in the world this month.

We met last june at a music festival. I stole all the crackers from his campsite. A few months later I received a box of crackers in the mail. It was the beginning of a correspondence. Nothing more, I was very sure of that.

In december he took a road trip with a friend. From the southern states to Oregon. Then a major detour up to Canada. It was a short visit, 2 days. Nothing more than a visit, I thought. (Ignorant me!) I was blown away by his kindness during this trip. He came to L'arche for dinner one day and smiled the whole time. The people there loved him, and rightly so. He has a beautiful heart.

I was sad when he left, but refused to show it. I would not be seeing him again until summer, if I could make it to illinois again. I was so sure that nothing would come of this. Here was someone who had been through so much in his life, and had come out of it as a man who loves others, loves God and has a heart brimming with kindness and understanding. I was so used to needing to work for love and attention. I was so scared of relationships with men, and all the hurt that came along with them. I was certain I did not deserve a man of such character.

His kindness continued over the months. Phone calls every night. Surprises in the mail. I was falling for him but was sure he deserved better. He had fallen hard and thought the same. It took awhile, but we made things 'official' in March and 3 weeks later he had a job interview in Lethbridge. He came up on the train and we had a wonderful week together. Also, he landed the job.

The next 3 weeks dragged by. I missed him. Fortunately he was back sooner than I expected. The night he arrived with high hopes of staying in Canada is one of the happiest memories I have. First I was greeted with bad news. The border had given him a 5 day pass to the country. It would be awhile before the work visa was sorted out, and until it was, he would not be allowed to live here. Naturally, I was teary eyed in a second, but was soon calmed. Sam picked me up and carried me to the swing on my front porch, held me, and in a shaky nervous voice said 'I love you'. I was quiet for a long time. These were words I had never heard from anyone outside my family. And quite honestly, I never expected to hear them from a man who meant it. Sam meant it. I meant it too, when after a long silence I managed to whisper the same 3 words back. He was the one. I had been sure of it since his first visit in april. He had been sure much longer, I soon found out. What a beautiful realization.

He moved to montana the next week. Better 4 hours distance than 30. It would be a long process to chronicle all that has happened since. Distance has been hard, but joy has oozed out from every aspect of this relationship. I have seen very few relationships where a man has as much respect, sensitivity,loyalty, adoration and excitement for his girlfriend or wife as Sam has for me. I did nothing to deserve anything so wonderful. This is a work of pure grace, and I am so blessed.

23 days left love!

Around the world....and back again.

The past 2 weeks have not been the greatest. It was a low that I expected, having just returned from an extraordinary summer. I went to the philippines, I saw poverty, and I met the most beautiful children in the world, who had faith that was stunning. I went to frankfurt, and on my first night there talked about the Gospel for hours with a man who had been so hurt by the church, he walked away so excited to hear about my relationship with the Lord. I went to the french with a bunch of Germans. I saw castles, and went on so many adventures on my bicycle! I met some wonderful kids, who were gracious enough to speak english to me all the time, even though it was difficult and uncomfortable. I went to paris and had an incredible time there with miriam! I returned home from this, and a day later was on my way to the states to visit my Sam. We drove to Arkansas, and though we were very broke, spent a month there with his family. It was such a time of growth in our relationship, and we faced some difficult things, but came out of it feeling blessed and so thankful for one another.

And now I am in lethbridge. I love this place, and I love my church, and I am truly happy to be back, and still....

I miss Sam. Im having a hard time at one of my jobs. Its been a big emotional and spiritual low, and I don't have new exciting things all around to take my mind off of the situation at hand. So I am left with just one place to turn, and I find myself wishing I had done more of it during my whirlwind of a summer. Its true that I am at a low point, but I have time to sit and to enjoy the one to whom all praise is due, and I am feeling a little better every day. In his presence is fulness of joy.

Truth.

My heart trusts in him and I am helped.

And its just that simple.

I love the philippines.

Frankfurt

I am in frankfurt and it is just so wonderful. My flight here was pretty terrible, i sat beside an obnoxious overweight man who took up half my seat, talked way too loud and snored even more loudly. I was pretty happy when we ditched him in London. Other than that, my trip has been amazing!

I arrived in Frankfurt airport at 6pm, and after a bus, a train and another bus, managed to find the general area of my hostel. Half an hour later I was still walking around looking for Haus der Jugend. I found a taxi parked, and climbed in for a lift. The driver, a kind middle aged man Michael, was so excited to meet me and hear about my recent trip to the philippines, that after dropping me off he parked the car and spent the evening showing me frankfurt! We walked through hte oldest parts of the city, found an open air market where he bought some dinner and wine, he took me to his favorite churches and even got us inside of them to take a peek, though most of them were closed. We talked about God and he was so eager to hear more of the gospel and learn about my church and the philippines mission, and was completely excited about my Sam (im so glad someone takes good care of you...you deserve it!). We spent 5 hours just wandering through the city.

At the end of the evening he thanked me for the visit, said "God Bless you in everything you do" and walked off. What a rad guy! Ive been here for less than 24 hours and am already having the most amazing trip!

Distance.

To hear a friends sorrow to the telephone
To learn bad news in an email
To be taken out of the life of a hurting child
To look at photos of the family camping trips you missed all year
To love someone and be unable to hold them.
To long to be reaching out, but be to ill to do so
To miss someone and spend months without them

To be on the outside, looking in. Distance hurts.

San Pablo

I am in San Pablo. It is wonderful, other than a fair amount of illness. But Im feeling better now! I apologize if I dont update any more on this trip. I leave in a week, and I will have much to say then!

Last day in Manila

Tomorrow will be super kids bible club once again. I cant wait to see all those wonderful children again. I love loving them and hugging them and feeding them. After that we will leave for San Pablo, which should be pretty emotional. We have all fallen in love with Cainta Rizal and New Hope Church. I am glad that we will be back here for a day before we fly home.

Anyways...its getting late here. Bedtime!

jeepney!

This is a jeepney. You have no idea how much fun it is to ride in one of these things.

Other things I love about the philippines:

The youth, and their incredible passion.
Markets that sell the best mangoes you have ever tasted.
Knock off clothing.
Hundreds of children pouring into church of their own will.
The heat!
My incredible team.
The generosity of people who have nothing.

I love lists...this list would be incredibly long if I was not sitting in a packed little internet cafe. Time to get some rest, tonight we are heading out to the squatters village. Tomorrow we take 50 youth who live in poverty and work so hard for their church, on air conditioned buses to a retreat center we pitched in to rent for them. It is going to be like nothing they have ever experienced, and if you saw how much hard loving work they poured into this church...you would know just how much they deserve this.

I love this place!

700

Today was "super kids bible club". A pretty incredible experience. 700 children come, of their own will. Some have walked miles for this. They touch my hair and my skin. They hug me, they ask me to take their picture, they want to know my name, they want me to love them, to be their friend. It is not difficult to love them back They sit on the tiled floor of the church for hours...the attention span is incredible. Afterwards 700 children walk away with a meal of rice, chicken and potatoes. Wow.

Sometimes I am at a loss for words in this place.